List of NEST rules
by Silverfrostfire
Summary: N.E.S.T has begun to make rules regarding to its members.
1. Chapter 1

declaimer: I don't own any of the characters they belong to there respected owners.

Some of these ideas are from others. The credit goes to the ones that reconize as theirs.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Do not let Annabelle anywhere near arguing autobots.

Annabelle watched and listened to Mudflap and Skids arguing with Ironhide. They were screaming and cussing in there language. The little one frowned and went to her father and repeated what she heard. Everyone had a very serious lecture from Sara Lennox and Ratchet.

2. Never mention porn to autobots. Don't even let them look it up.

Ironhide,Prowl, and both sets of twins were in stasis lock in med bay getting a massive download of very unnecessary information out. It took a week to get it out and another week before either of them could look at a human. All porn sites are now restricted to all autobots.

3. Do not have a food fight anywhere near the autobots.

A food fight started in the cafeteria and the autobots that were there joined in. The autobots won. The humans were sent to med bay. Ratchet and Optimus were furious and sent the autobots to clean the entire base.

4. Do not introduce world of warcraft to them.

Leo was playing that game when he was attacked by a set of twins level 200. Sam was guarded by a paladin in yellow and level 150. Will and Epps were riding in a black vehicle that was impenetrable and its brand name was strangely called Ironhide. A yellow clothed priest was going around treating the wounded both alliance and horde, also resurrecting the dead. A blue and red armored warrior was leading a very massive army against another army lead by another warrior going by the name of Megatron.

5. Do not let Will drive a motorcycle if it is not the Arcee twins.

Ironhide would not let Will out of his sight for a long while and only then if Will promised to ride an autobot from then on. The motorcycle mysteriously disappeared and in its place was a black spot outside the base. No one has taken responsibility for it.

6. Wheeljack is never again to be alowed anywhere near a popcorn machine nor make one of his own.

The scientist broke the machine when he wanted to get the humans watching a movie more popcorn. He felt bad so he made his own, autobot sized one. waited till the next movie night to turn it on in the room with everyone watching. The machine did make popcorn but could not be turned off. It was when the room was full of the stuff and flowing to the next did the machine run out of corn. Wheeljack did not even test it out before hand.

7. Do not under any circumstances prank the Hatchet ever again.

The first prank on Ratchet was the last prank on Ratchet. He made sure of that.

8. When Sam's pets come over let Ironhide know ahead of time.

Ironhide woke up with a warim and wet sensation on his wheels. The pets were unharmed. The weapons specialist was a different matter altogether. The hanger had to be replaced.

9. Do not let Ironhide light a campfire.

Will, Epps, and Sam had first degree burns on the first day of camping. Ratchet rearranged his face and would not fix it till he got bored of it. Optimus disabled his weapons just for Bumblebee to use him for target practice.

10. Jazz is now banned from limewire.

Jazz had downloaded every music in the world on limewire and decided to play it till it came to the end. He hid it so that no one could turn it off manually. There was a reward out to who ever finds it. It wasn't till the very last song was playing was it found on every electronic that produces noise.  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 


	2. Chapter 2

continue the list-

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

11. On april fools day every human must be off base.

The humans introduced this tradition a few days before. It was humans vs. autobots and the humans had everything they were going to do planned. What they did not plan was being plastered to the walls, smelling extremely bad, hanging by there underwear and underneath them a big pile of dung for them to drop in if they want down. All this and more when they woke up that morning.

not let Wheeljack do the laundry.

For Wheeljack's latest explosion his punishment was all the laundry to be washed, frie- I mean dried, folded, and put in there respective owners. He broke all the machines by stuffing in to much. Then made a gain one for all to be done in one lump sum. It exploded, scattering every cloth burnt, torn, dirtier then before, or both all over the base and the surrounding area. Galloway's salary decreased a few hundred dollars.

13. Leo is not alowed to touch Ironhide's cannons under any circumstances.

Sam dared Leo that he was to chicken to touch Ironhides cannons while awake. He did. All around the base people heard pleas to god, the Greek gods, and the Egyptian gods to let him live.

14. Wheeljack is to be supervised on making a teleportation device and not let any humans or autobots to be his test subjects.

Wheeljack convinced Ratchet to try it because he was a doctor and to see if it was safe. It did not work. Ratchet did not teleport but a large portion of his ass did. He was not standing in the right spot. Every autobot that laughed woke up the next day missing a large portion of their ass. A few days later Ratchets ass appeared and landed in Wheeljack's barrel of energon.

must stop humping Makaela's legs.

Makaela checked into med bay with scratches and firse degree burns on her legs. All within Wheelies height. Ratchet blowtorched his legs, wielding them to a metal chair. Sam and Bumblebee made him watch every episode barney and friends ever had.

16. Will and Epps is not allowed to use Ironhide as a target practice.

Will and Epps asked Ironhide to be the target to help them. He agreed. What they did not agree to nor realize that ironhide would be shooting back.

17. When Sam's parents are over everyone must be on there best behavior.

Judy and Ron were yelling and cursing at two sets of twins for pranking them last night. They did this all morning and int the evening. Needless to say no one pranked them again. Nor argued with Judy, Prowl made that mistake.

18. Every autobot must stay away from Makaela 1 week every month.

The first time an autobot refused to take her to the store to get some pads and tampons she wielded the mechs lower regions with his hands and feet. While he was recharging.

19. Will must knock on Epps door from now on.

Will went blind temporary after seeing Epps dirty dancing to music with nothing on but his underwear. Epps bought 6 new locking mechanisms.

20. It is now forbidden to say ' slag, frag, dang, and gliching' around Annabelle.

That was all she ever said for 2 weeks after visiting the base. Sara asked Ratchet to put a filtering system on there voice processors to say something nice instead of cussing. He did. But had to reverse it when all the autobots went on strike. 


	3. Chapter 3

continues on-

* * *

21. Annabelle must never have any paint on base ever again.

When Will and Sara walked in the hanger to pick up Annabelle they were shocked speechless when they saw all the autobots in the hanger different colors and sporting pictures only a 5 year old could make. They were not happy with there new paint job. Ironhide glared at Will. Optimus patiently stared at the couple then at Annabelle. Sideswipe and his brother were using every ounce of self control and then some to not attack something. Ratchet was holding and flipping the pink unicorn wrench in the air.

22. Always have a room full of chocolate.

Most of the human females were on their rag, making others a week long hell. So the men and mechs all pitched in and filled an empty room with every kind of chocolate in the world. The men were left alone for the rest of the week.

23. Do not let Wheeljack make costume makeup or clothes.

On there first Halloween the autobots helped and admired the beautiful, the ugly, the scary, and the gruesome. they had a blast scaring each other and partying. but when they went to take it off many had to be sent to med bay for...complications. They found out Wheeljack made everything. He was sent to the brig for endangerment.

24. On Fourth of July make sure everyone is accounted for.

Everyone was outside of the base watching the fireworks go off. Sitting down in a straight line they were in awe. Until they heard an explosion behind them. The hanger was sent flying in a billion pieces but nonetheless made an excellent light show. They soon realized that the Lamborghini twins were never present. Nor was Wheeljack. Wheeljack was in the hanger.

25. For the humans, let Annabelle dress them up and play tea party for punishment.

The new recruits always got into trouble. So Will, Sam, and Makaela decided to do an unusual punishment. The next person that got into trouble was dressed in a pink tutu dress, blond wig, crown, and makeup by Annebelle and was forced all day to play tea party and what ever else she wanted.

26. If Ratchet asks about human mating rituals don't run.

Ratchet had asked everyone he could think of about some questions he had, but they all kept running from him. So he set up traps and tracked each one he asked earlier. As expected they ran when they saw him but got caught in one of his traps. Each was let go redder then a tomato. Ratchet was somewhat satisfied.

27. If have chicken pox suck it up and tell Ratchet.

Sam had red bumps all over his body and scratched till he was bleeding. Bumblebee had noticed the bumps and asked his charge about it, but was told it was nothing and made an excuse on what it was. It was when Bumblebee saw Sam scratch his already bleeding legs that he acted. Sam was not allowed out of med bay for a month after he was cured.

28. If Sam eats peanut butter and Hershey's chocolate syrup be sure that Bumblebee, Optimus, and Ratchet are not in the vicinity.

Bumblebee rushed Same to Ratchet and told him what he saw. Sam's systems were flushed out which tool 2 days to do. A week later Optimus saw Sam hiding while eating a huge spoonful of peanut butter dipped in Hershey's syrup. He to took Sam to Ratchet. And banned peanut butter from the base for a month.

29. For the love of Primus, do not get the autobots all drunk at the same time.

All the humans watched in horror as the entire base was destroyed. As did the decepticons that were there.

30. Optimus Prime is no longer allowed in the cafeteria after having his systems check.

Optimus went into the cafeteria to get some food for the patients in the med bay by Ratchets orders. His systems were still tingly after the medic did his monthly check ups. He opened the storeroom when he suddenly had an autobot sneezing fit. All the food were splattered all over the base. Galloways's salary decreased another few hundred dollars.


	4. Chapter 4

31. Do not print nude pictures of humans and post them all over base prior to Annabelle's visit.

Someone had put up humans posed naked and having sex all around the base. On the walls as well as the ceiling. A lot of the bots had to go to med bay to purge porn from there memory cores. It was hilarious to see....that was until Sara and Annabell arrived. a man hunt was issued.

32. Make sure all the autobots know what a port-a-potty is.

Ironhide was at the shooting range as usual, blowing off steam courtesy of the Lamborghini twins. Bumblebee and the other twins walked up to him with a particular face. All three dared and goated him into a challenge. Each gave him a target betting that he could not shoot it. He shot each one with a smug look. Bumblebee was next and as he searched for a good target he noticed something rectangle and blue just 20ft from the Secretary of Defense, Galloway, other politicians, and most of there human friends. Smiling he dared Ironhide that he couldn't hit that without any casualties. Ironhide aimed and took a shot. What happened next made all three shell shocked. Gallons and gallons of piss and shit was splattered around a 100 feet radius. No one seen metal not wires of Ironhide, Bumblebee, Mudflap, and Skids for 3 months.

33. Do not sing a dirty christmas song unless you know what to expect.

Mudflap, Skids, Sunstreaker, Sam, Makaela, Jazz, Bumblebee, Will, and Epps were decorating a huge christmas tree and explaining a little bit more about christmas to the curious autobots. Sam had got bored and decided to sing a dirty song for fun. ' Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock Santa's got a hickey on the end of his cock, Misses Clause if pregnant, the elves are all gay, guess what they are doing in the back of the slay. Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock Santa's got a hickey on the end of his cock, Misses Clause is pregnant the elves are all gay Rudolph is humping the back of the slay'. Everyone gave him weird stares. slowly they sang along. Withing 2 hours they were done and had to go to a meeting in 10 minutes with General Morshower. It was starting to become a tradition to N.E.S.T that on every christmas Eve they sang a christmas song at the end of the meeting. This time it was Skids turn to choose the song and begin it. Skids did not know what to sing so he sand the dirty song Sam had introduced them. As tradition everyone sand along. Sam was ordered to wash his mouth out with lava soap right after the song.

34. All humans must eat Annebelle's cooking when asked. Unless life threatening.

annabelle had cooked something that had looked vaguely like food and had presented it to all the personnel. They all had a firm lecture from Sara concerning her daughters attempt to cook and for their kindness they ate whatever she could come up with. The latest was pleasant to smell but not to look at. Annabelle squealed after they ate every bit of it and ran to go to Ironhide to play. A couple of hours later all personnel stumbled and crawled to the med bay. They were down for 3 days of heavy diaherria and cramping. Annabelle was from then on supervised.

35. Jazz is no longer allowed to make fun of Megatron's obsession with mutilating humans.

During a battle some of the autobots were cornered between Megatron, Barricade, and a huge drop off. Jazz was the closest and was waiting for reinforcements. thinking really hard he came up with something distracting. Making fun of Megatron. Shouting how the Decepticon leader was in love with the humans sadistically. That he really wanted to turn the human race into sex toys. How his mutilation was very low class and that the fallen had chose him to laugh at his attempts. by the time reinforcements had arrived Jazz was making love to his aft.

36. Races between autobots are now forbidden on base.

Out of boredom both twins, Bumblebee, and the Arcee triplets decided to have a race with Sam watching. They were having fun and was about to pass the finish line when Ratchet obliviously walked in front of then. Everyone heard the loud crash followed by an earsplitting cuss word. What they saw would be taken to their graves. Mudflap was stuck on Ratchets right foot while skids was on his left forcing him to use them as shoes. Bumblebee was curled around his stomach, stuck as well. The arcee triplets were glued to his chest and face. The most embarrassing was sunstreaker and sideswipe. The twins had one arm shoved up what would be the medics ass, forcing them to continuously stare at it. It took 3 days to get them all off and it took everyone on base helping. Ratchet had to be sedated multiple times.

37. Do not play tag with Ironhide.

Will and Epps was trying to explain tag to Ironhide for Annabelle. Things were going well till it was his turn to tag them. Epps should have known better then to go under Ironhides feet. He could not sit for a week after the Black bot gently kicked him. Will was no better. Epps gaped and flipped Ironhide off when he saw a week later Annabelle and him play tag in his holo form.

38. Will and Optimus must supervise chocolate and other valentines stuff from now on.

Optimus was curious and suspicious when everyone was happy. Especially this time of the month. Will had joined Optimus to look for a meeting room and was asking what was wrong when they opened a thought to be empty room. Stuffed animals, chocolate, cards, flowers, and various other valentines stuff rushed out. There was so much of that it completely covered the autobot leader. Valentines was damned near banned.

39. Sunstreaker and Sideswipe are no longer allowed on World of Warcraft.

General Morshower had gotten a call from Blizzard concerning a very problematic situation. Two if his people had an account with them and were very chaotic hackers. Everyone on WOW was getting massacred and no one could levle nor play for very long. They had already lost a million of there customers. The General called the autobot leader of the newest situation. A week later Blizzard had three new upgrades for World of Warcraft.

40. Autobots are forbidden to do stand up comedy.

Mudflap and Skids had liked the show stand up comedy the new recuits were watching on their down time and had decided to make one of their own but for autobots. They got everything ready withing two weeks. Every autobot was present as well as the humans who just wanted to see them smile and laugh. It was going great until both sets of twins and Jazz got up on stage drunk. The humans had never seen the look of utter horror, shock, disgust, and embarrassment on their faces before. It was so bad that the twins and Jazz got off scot free with only a stern lecture. Within two hours this rule was posted.


	5. Chapter 5

41. When doing the 3 month sewer flushing schedule please make sure no one is in the bathrooms.

A few of the autobots had volunteered to go flush and clean the sewers to the humans bathrooms. One autobot connected a huge hose and the other waited till told to flip the switch. When he did they failed to hear blood curling screams above them. Leo, Wheelie, Simmons, and Galloway slowly walked into the hanger glaring at anyone who uttered a word. They were quarantined for 2 weeks. Ratchets med bay was greatly avoided.

42. Leo is banned from Epps room.

Leo had wanted to prank Epps for a long time. So he had decided to do something to his room. With a little assistance from Wheeljack he planted a jell bomb and triggered it so when Epps opened the door it would go off. It did. But Leo failed to say it was for a human. Epps had to have a full body and cavity flush.

43. Autobots are not allowed to spy on humans taking a bath or shower.

Optimus had found Jazz, Jolt, Mudflap, Sunstreaker, and Wheelie in the autobot shower welded together in such a way that everyone had mistaken them for shower heads. That worked. They refuse to talk about it.

44. Redalert must stop following the Secretary of Defense.

Secretary Keller new he was being followed by an autobot. It wasn't till he was locked in his own house that he had proof. Redalert took it upon himself to guard the human. He had locked the man several times in several different places because of the news. Redalert had to be hunted down by his friends to bring him back. Keller had to move.

45. Mudflap and Skids are not allowed to give humans baths.

The small twins had volunteered to wash an injured Sam and Will since their guardians were away. Ratchet had to bandage old and new wounds. The medic through a throwing fit and the guardians played hide and shoot.

46. Will is banned from Epps room.

Will wanted payback from the temporary blindness and shock the last time he came in his friends room. He went into action when everyone was asleep and quietly started to take down the door that was wide enough to get Epps and bed out safely. Epps woke up in the meeting room with General Morshower looking at him from the screen. Epps slept in the nude. But when he looked down at himself he was wearing pink lingerie. Will woke up the same way the next day instead it was outside and the lingerie was red.

47. Do not introduce the autobots to the Power Rangers.

Mudflap and Skids, like kids, were reenacting a scene from an episode of the Power Rangers someone had shown them. Mudflap aimed a weapon he (borrowed) from Wheeljack's lab at his brother acting as a villain. He pulled the trigger and nearly offlined. Optimus prime was writing a very important report when his entire office was obliterated. He sat there in mid sentence his hand hovering in mid air. The twins had never ran so fast as they did that day. Optimus had to be held back when he found them.

48. Animals are not to be used to fight decepticons.

Wheeljack had just finished a devise to somewhat control wildlife within a 300 mile radius when he got a call that decepticons were attacking. In his hast he did not notice that a part of his leg flipped a switch. When the autobots got to Jazz they found him rolling on the ground in hysterics. The decepticons Barricade, Blackout, and Starscream were getting viciously attacked by every animal in the vicinity and more were coming. The humans on base watched the laughing autobots crawl back.

49. Ironhide is no longer allowed to get drunk.

Ironhide had gotten in the high grade energon again and was cursing at everyone he came across. In his drunken haze he decided to pull a prank on Optimus by messing up all his paper work and spiking his energon. Ratchet had found in his med bay a very angry, drunk Optimus sitting on a very scratched, dented, now sober Ironhide. Ratchet almost offlined laughing.

50. All cell phones must now be confiscated upon entering the base.

Makaela's cell phone again was a decepticon in disguise and was roaming around the base at night. It just went into a room when he heard grumbling from an autobot coming into the same room. It hid. It was Jetfire's room and without looking, to the horror of the small decepicon, he sat were it was hidding lodging it in his aft. The poor thing become insane.

* * *

black Dragon has giving me some rules and I've done 1 and a little bit of the second so the credit goes to the respective owner.


End file.
